Grief is a very strange emotion. One moment I can be going about my daily business and then suddenly I feel as though all the life has been sucked out of me. I sob. I have never sobbed before in my life. In that moment I feel … totally broken. I remember how depressed I was after my dad died but it doesn’t even touch this grief. I still am struggling to go look to the future. All I want to do is get my affairs in order so that I can die. I know I probably have 20 more years left in me but I’m counting them down in my heart.
I had a hard time sleeping last night as I kept thinking about my husband. Then today my son, grandson and I started to clean out the garage. I was still having a hard time keeping my emotions in check so my grandson didn’t notice that I was upset. Everything I touched in the garage reminded me of my husband, how we were going to renovate our house together this year. I was on the edge of tears all day. Then I opened a box and found a card from my husband. It was like getting a hug from my husband.